Real Beauty Marriage in Islam

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] Not a close relative. The eighth quality is that she should not be a close relative, as that would lessen desire. The Prophet* said, “Don't marry close relatives for then the child is born scrawny”; 59  that is to say, weak; such is the weakening effect it [marrying close rela­tives] has on desire. For desire is excited by the deep emotions which result from sight and touch; emotions are strengthened by whatever is unfamiliar and new. On the other hand, what is familiar and seen continuously renders the faculties incapable of fully appreciating it [desire], being affected by it, or becoming aroused through it. These are the qualities desired in women.

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] [Good Lineage] The seventh quality is that the wife should be of good lineage, that is to say, she should come from a religious and righteous background, because she will bring up her daughters and sons. If she is not well bred, she will not be able to raise her children well. For that reason the Prophet* said, “Beware of the green dung  (khadra' al-diman). ”56   It was asked, “What is the green dung?” He said, “The beautiful woman with an evil origin.” 57  The Prophet* said, “Exercise care in choosing [wives] for your sperm, for a hereditary quality is wont to return.”“

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] [Virginity] The sixth quality is that she should be a virgin. The Prophet* said to Jabir, who had married an unwed deflowered woman, “Would that she were a virgin so you could daily with her and she with you.” 54  Virginity has three advantages: (a) First, the virgin will love the husband and feel close to him, which will favorably influence their conjugal attachment. The Prophet* said, “Marry the loving (woman)”; for the natural disposition is to be attached to the first mate with whom one has had intimate relations. On the other hand, a woman who has experienced men and life may not be satisfied with some of the qualities that differ from those she is accustomed to, and may, therefore, loathe the husband. (b) Second, it engenders a greater measure of his love for her, as it is a man's nature to be somewhat repelled by a woman who has been touched by another husband; that would contra­dict [a man's] nature rega...

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] [Childbearing] The fifth quality is that the woman be able to bear children. Should she be known to be barren, then one should avoid mar­rying her. The Prophet* said, “Marry the loving child-bearer”; 53  if she has no husband and her affairs are not known, the decision should be based on her health and her youth for, given these two qualities, she will most likely be capable of bearing children.

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] [Dowry] The fourth quality is that her dowry should be small. The Messenger* of God declared that “The best women are those whose faces are the most beautiful and whose dowries are the smallest.” 38  He enjoined against excessiveness in dowries.” The Messenger* of God married one of his wives for a dowry of ten dirhams 40  and household furnishings that consisted of a hand mill, a jug, a pillow made of skin stuffed with palm fibers,” and a stone ('iliyy); 42  in the case of another, he feasted with two measures 43  of barley;” and for another, with two measures of dates and two of mush  (sawiq). 45

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] [Beauty] The third, beauty of face, is desired because through it fortification is attained. For [a man's] natural disposition is generally not contented with an ugly woman, [even] when good character and physical beauty are often inseparable.

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE  TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE] [Good Character] Good character is the second quality. It is an important requisite in the search for emptying the heart” and in the pur­suit of favorable surroundings for religion. For if she is vicious, ill-tongued, ill-mannered, and ungrateful, more harm than good will come from her. Toleration of a woman's tongue would try the saints. An Arab said, “Do not marry one of the following six types of women: