Good Character

[QUALITIES CONDUCIVE TO A HAPPY CONJUGAL LIFE]

[Good Character]

Good character is the second quality. It is an important requisite in the search for emptying the heart” and in the pur­suit of favorable surroundings for religion. For if she is vicious, ill-tongued, ill-mannered, and ungrateful, more harm than good will come from her. Toleration of a woman's tongue would try the saints. An Arab said, “Do not marry one of the following six types of women:
an 'annanah [hypochondriac], a mannanah [up­braider], a hannanah [yearner], a hiddaqah [coveter], a barraqah (narcissist], or a shaddaqah [prattler]. The 'annanah is one who excessively moans, complains, and [always] wraps her head.

Marrying a constantly ill [woman] or one who feigns illness is of no avail. The mannanah is one who is constantly needling her husband by saying, “I did such and such for you.” The hannanah is one who yearns after a previous husband or after her offspring from some other husband. This, too, is among the things to be avoided. The hiddaqah is one who looks at everything, covets it, and forces her husband to buy it. The barraqah can be one of two: (a) one who spends the whole day fixing her face or making it up and beautifying it in order to give it a lustre, or (b) one who becomes angry at mealtime, thus eating only by herself and singling out her share from everything. A Yemeni expression which is appropriately used for a woman, or a child, who is not satisfied with the food given to her [or him], is Baraqat al-mar 'atu wa baraqa'l-sabiyyu al-ta'ama, that is, to become angry at meal­time. Al-shaddaqah is one who prattles a great deal; in this con­text the Prophet* said, “Almighty God detests the loudmouthed prattler. “25

It is related that the Azdi traveler,” during his journey, met Elias* [the prophet] who ordered him to get married and dis­couraged him from celibacy. He then said, “Don't marry any of the following four types: a mukhlali'ah [divorce-minded], a muba­riyah [boaster], an 'ahirah [harlot], or a nashiz [conceited].” Al-mukhlali'ah is one who asks for the divorce (khul^') every hour for no reason;²⁷ al-mubariyah is one who boasts of the superiority of another and is proud of her worldly advantages, and al­'ahirah is a loose woman who is known to have lovers and intimate companions. To her the Almighty referred when He said, “nor of loose conduct” [Qur’an  4:25]. Al-nashiz is one who adopts a haughty attitude toward her husband in deed and word: the word nashaz²⁸ designates that which is elevated above the ground.

'Ali* used to say, “The worst characteristics of men consti­tute the best characteristics of women; namely, stinginess, pride, and cowardice. For if the woman is stingy, she will preserve her own and her husband's possessions; if she is proud, she will refrain from addressing loose and improper words to everyone; and if she is cowardly, she will dread everything and will there­fore not go out of her house and will avoid compromising situations for fear of her husband. These accounts indicate the sum total of the good qualities sought in marriage.